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#1 2019-05-16 04:52:20

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How to overcome your parents' divorce when you are little
Can you overcome your parents' divorce?
Divorce is one of the most difficult situations that a family can experience and in which all members are affected. When the couple has children or teenagers in their charge, in addition to dealing with separation, try to ensure that their children suffer as little as possible. And it is that, it is not the same if the children are children or if they are already adolescents, in each case they will need different attention. After the divorce, the whole family must learn to live differently.

It must be understood that the effect of the divorce on the children is not limited to the moment of the decision of the couple to separate, also to how it was announced and produced, or how it manages all the news that it brings. We explain how the divorce affects the family, the child and the adolescent; and we propose some ideas that can help the new situation affect the least possible to the least.
Impact of divorce on the family  A divorce affects all areas of a person's life. At emotional level intense feelings are crossed and a period of mourning is lived. Parents may feel that when their children are not with them, they have to cover both roles, which generates tension. In addition to that they are immersed in decisions that may be new. The separation usually implies economic changes, which are perceived more negatively by young people. Problems may appear with children who did not exist or relations with the political family may cool down.
The consequences of the break are usually difficult and the most affected are almost always the children, no matter how old they are. It is a very difficult task for a child to accept the reality that their parents are no longer together and that one of them no longer lives at home. Both the youngest and the youngest, will pose questions that must be answered by their parents in the most honest way possible. You have to make them see that the family has not broken, just adapt to the new situation.
According to the ages of the child, it will be taken one way or another
When you are a child  According to the different ages of the child, we will observe different behaviors that may appear as a consequence of the stress that the new family situation produces. Before 3 years can return to evolutionary behavior already overcome as the loss of control of sphincters, irritability, difficulty to separate from adults or anguish.
Between 3 and 7 years old, it is common for them to idealize the absent father and fantasize about the idea of ​​reconciliation between parents. Fear of being replaced by other children may arise, especially in the case of third parties. On occasion, there is a decline in school performance.
Between 8 and 10 years increase the feelings of guilt for separation, a decrease in self-esteem that they try to compensate by evading or taking irresponsible behaviors. Criminal or antisocial behaviors may also arise.
The worst situation: adolescent children
When you are a teenager  A teenager is more than a child but he is not an adult yet. For this reason it is usual to think that the divorce of their parents is in some way their fault, they wonder if they could have helped to avoid the breakup or wish they had avoided discussions. We must make it clear from the beginning that the decision is an adult issue.
Young people can go through different phases or present some of these feelings. You may feel abandoned, worried, guilty or afraid. They may appear in them a protective feeling towards one of the parents or blame one of them for the situation. After knowing the news, the first thing they ask is how their lives will change after divorce. Depending on each situation, you may have to adapt to many changes. Change your city or school, spend time with your parents separately or deal with the unpleasant feelings of one parent towards the other, which may arise during separation.
It is especially hard for them to see their parents arguing and fighting. Most young people who are asked, confess that they feel uncomfortable if they have to choose one parent over the other. It is vital that the adolescent feel free to relate to either parent without the other feeling jealous or hurt, this will prevent feelings of resentment from growing in them. A good idea is to keep in touch with the parent they see less often because of the distance.
Many adolescents end up discovering that the new situation brings calm to family relationships, accustomed to the tension of the home prior to separation. Some become more compassionate and protective of their little brothers; or more responsible, independent and sensible. On the contrary, in others there are depressing feelings, they can leak, school absenteeism or abuse of alcohol and drugs.
Help your children overcome the break
Tips to help them overcome the break  How to explain to them that their parents have decided to divorce. Parents do not have to give all kinds of explanations to their children, but they must know the reasons why the parents have decided to divorce. Explain that the decision has been made because it is considered to be the best for the family.
Make it clear that you will be able to talk to both of them whenever you are worried about something or need it. Parents should not fall into overprotectiveness, or because of guilt feelings treat them like a small child. You should speak honestly, with words that the children understand, and if the parents are overwhelmed by the situation, seek specialized help.
How parents should act to make things easier for them. Do not feel guilty. Maintain practical, firm and coherent rules. Excessive indulgence or tolerance does not help, as it often causes confrontations between parents. The child should not be put on the side of one or the other. Children should not witness clashes or be used as judges or messengers. Help them to express their feelings: pain, worry, confusion, anger ...
Avoid unnecessary changes
It helps to see the father who does not live with them, respecting his authority and never discrediting him. Avoid unnecessary changes and keep the usual routines where possible. Do not compete with your former partner for their attention or affection. Observe your children to detect changes in their behavior or in their emotional response and thus be able to solve problems at the beginning.
During the divorce, your children need you more than ever, to help them overcome the new situation they must be aware that after all, couples divorce one from the other but never from their children.

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